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Smack-Off 2005
Smack-Off 2005 was an event on The Jim Rome Show on May 6, 2005. It was the eleventh installment of the show's annual event, the Smack-Off. The show was invented by Jim Rome and show producer Travis Rodgers (T-Rodge), in order to showcase the best callers of the year. The best caller of the day in the Smack-Off is named "King of Smack." Layout Within the three-hour program, Rome explained the concept, announce the invitees, and explained the rules. In the first hour several callers got on, after the explanation. The second hour was dedicated to calls and emails. In the final hour, the final two segments of the show were set aside to name the top ten, announce the winner, reset the winning call, and a short interview with the winner. Invitees Thirty callers were invited to participate in the Smack-Off. Only invitees could participate. Rome also reiterated that not all thirty invitees would make it on to participate. The invitation does not guarantee that people would get on. Those who had previously won a Smack-Off get exemptions, and all other invitees received their invitations for their reputations (such as Irie Craig) or for exceptional performance throughout the year. Those Invited due to a winner's exemption *J.T. the Brick *"Doc" Mike Di Tolla *Jeffrey Di Tolla (AKA "Esquire") *Stevie from LMU *Sean the Cablinasian *Silk in Huntington Beach *Jeff from Richmond *"Iafrate" Kenneth Chasen Previous Smack-Off Callers Invited for Performance *Irie Craig *Trapper in Dana Point *Terrence in Sierra Madre *Kerwin in Riverside *Greg in Vegas *Jeff on a Carphone in Phoenix *Gino in San Antonio *Jim in Fall River *Don in No-Cal *Otis in Austin *Joe in Orange County *Casey in Vegas *Rachel in Houston *Oviler in St. Louis *Mike in Orlando *Joe in New York City New Invitees *Ed in Stockton *Tobin in Chapel Hill *Bill in Knoxville *Larry in Knoxville *Chris in Houston *Chuck in Phoenix Smackoff Program Hour One Jeff on a Carphone called his shot, and attempted to lay smack on several callers, including Terrence, and then drew a picture of a wedding between the Cablinasian and Rachel. Unfortunely, Jeff's call was run off by Alvin, show engineer, and was thus disqualified. Rachel in Houston patterned her call after, "I don't care about clones: I care about sports!" This was directed to the clones who attempted to vote multiple times to get Rachel thrown off the Smackoff in the show's online poll. Bill in Knoxville focused his smack on Phil Mickelson, Northerners who move south but continue to badmouth the region, and finally Alabamans and on University of Alabama football fans. Ed in Stockton began by laying smack on callers the previous week begging to be invited. After that, he attempted to smack on baseball, but got run off. An emailer later said he fell asleep during the call from Ed in Sleepton. Casey in Vegas began with arguably the best single line of the day: "The same principle applies to any time you see a female wearing a jersey that's not actually at a game, Rome: she's fat and ugly." He then took a shot at Rome's dislike of soccer by implying that Rome's wife would have their two sons participlate in youth soccer. Then he nailed the WNBA players by comparing them to thoroughbred race horses. Finally, he nailed a "haiku" which obviously did not fit the syllabification Got a baby from another I have no money of my own Better impregnate this fat skank. Greg in Vegas smacked on the blind, the deaf, and a parapalegic. He laid smack on Boston Red Sox fans, declaring that after their 2004 World Series victory, they became more insufferable than New York Yankees fans ever were. He also questioned the sexuality of Rusty Staub, formerly of the New York Mets. Rome later said he both loved and hated the call, and asked if he needed to "run (disqualify) or rack (declare great)" Greg's call. Hour Two Otis in Austin laid out a pure Smackoff call. Otis began his call a reference to "Terrence in the S&M," asking him how many time he'd choke on a "roast beef sandwich." He was the first of several to refer to the high-pitched voice of Joe in the O. C., telling him not to call "from the girl's shower of the middle school gym." He smacked on Chicago fans, Red Sox fans, and Yankees fans. He told Barry Bonds that he hoped that someone would duct tape Bonds to his recliner, and require him watch a loop of Sid Bream waddling home to score the winning run of game seven in the 1992 National League Championship Series. Terrence in Sierra Madre had another strong call: he began by mocking the respective Smack-Off calls football player Jim Harbaugh and also J-Stew, show contributor (formerly Jason from Fullerton), then went off on Iggy in Springfield by announcing the time, then playing a tape of himself talking about how much he hated the clones. After the tape broke off he bemoaned his inability to win the Smackoff. He mocked the French, the Papal Swiss Guard, and the violence in Iraq. After that he pulled out a guitar and opened into possibly the best lines in the Smackoff, a piece about J-Stew: Hey, Mr. J-Stew, you got moles on your dome, dude. Heh, Heh, Heh, Heh. You always say that! Hey Mr. J-Stew why did they —? '' He then stopped the song suddenly and said, "Who do you think I am? Iafrate?" Although the song was a crack on Iafrate and the previous year's song, "Whitey's Dad", it would lead some callers to try to complete the song for the remainder of the year. As he ended his call, he then gave a glowing soliloquy on the average clone, ending it with: "Remember ye well St. Crispen's Day. For on this good day, I say to all, '''WAR THE AVERAGE CLONE AND FREEDOM!' Err, out." Joe in New York City had a filthy call. However, he laid out an excellent round of "Yankee Myopia," demanding the firing of Joe Torre. He nailed Terrence, suggesting that Terrence was nothing more than a figment of J-Stew's imagination. He finally got run off when he used a banned word which referred to a person's rectum. Two-time winner Sean the Cablinasian began by referencing to the interview with J-Stew in the LA Daily News]] newspaper in which J-Stew was quoted that his college education (from Fullerton) had little to do with his job. He mused on how Calvin Murphy would spend mother's day, since he had fourteen children by nine women. He suggested that Jim bring back the "Peeps from the All-Star Café" on his TV show. He then wrapped it up by defending his calling in only on the Smackoff, and the fact he did a radio commercial for a restaurant, against "sellout" claims. In closing, he plugged Polyseamseal, a caulking agent which Rome had advertised on the show. Oliver in St. Louis sneaked in right before the end of the segment, smacking on Bonds' ego and the size of his head (hinting on Bonds's steroid use). He then used the theme, "I'm not different from you clones," while noting the failings of clones like Terrence, Jim in Fall River, Rachel, Irie Craig, among others, before getting stopped (though not run off) by Jim at the commercial break. Iafrate, the defending champion, used a contrarian viewpoint arguing that Major League Baseball players should not be ashamed for using steroids to forward their careers, defending Mark McGwire in particular. He then implied that ballplayers are stupid, enrolling them a spelling bee of their own names (Andruw Jones and Shawon Dunston). He then informed Terrence that "you will never win this thing, loser," and that every town has a "Terrence," and that this "Terrence" was always the most unsavory kid in school. Hour Three Stevie from LMU, (AKA "Phoneslap"), 1998 Smack-Off champion, returning after a two-year hiatus, began by smacking on the Live with Mom crowd, and then even more on the faction that broke off of Live with Mom, creating Stucknut. He then subliminally smacked on Pat O'Brien's phone sex scandal, smacking on Cablinasian at the same time. He then compared Michelle Wie's entrance into PGA tournaments to J-Stew's acting career, keeping more deserving performers out in both cases. Then in contrast to his winning 1998 Smackoff call, Stevie announced that he is a clone. Silk in Huntington Beach, winner of the 2001 Smack-Off, created a different call, away from his usual "surf rat" persona; he broke down, complaining of the clones' insults over the years, particularly about the insults towards his wife, whom he referred to as a "California 10." He then told all that this would be his last phone call, ending with a tearful, "Goodnight, now." Joe in the O. C. closed out the Smackoff with an impromptu smack on Silk's (false) announcement of his quitting the Jungle. He then referred to the 2004 Smack-Off in which Trapper in Dana Point announced that that call would be his last: "Hey, Jeff (in Richmond), I've got an idea for you for next year's Smackoff call!" He then decried the banning of amphetimines in baseball. He then smacked on Kobe Bryant and Michael Jackson, and then smacked on the Live with Mom crowd even harder than Stevie did. He finished up with a sarcastic tribute to Jose Lima and his extramarital affairs. Official Top Ten 1. The Cablinasian, now the only three-time winner 2. Iafrate 3. Terrence in Sierra Madre (still the best never to win the Smack-Off) 4. Rachel in Houston 5. Stevie in LMU 6. Casey in Vegas 7. Joe in the O. C. 8. Bill in Knoxville 9. Greg in Vegas 10. Oliver in St. Louis See also *Smack-Off *Jim Rome *The Jim Rome Show *Jim Rome Is Burning *Tour Stops *The Clones External links *The Jim Rome Show *Stucknut.com